Sunday, 10 May 2009

• Crawling to the finish line

  I can't believe how hard it is to focus. My brain has already checked out. It thinks I'm already done with law school.  I have an exam tomorrow and only half an outline. At least another ten hours has to go into it, and I ... just can't.
  
  It's like the feeling you have when you're running for miles and you can juuuust see the finish line. All of a sudden, your second wind starts to dissipate and all you can think is.. .almost there, almost there... keeeep going... almost there.... And then you poop out and start walking.  I have gone so beyond that stage.  I am barely crawling.
  
  But it doesn't matter what I do. Time is ticking, and in exactly 24 hours, I'll be waiting to start my last exam of my law school career. Sure, sure, the Bar. Have to take the Bar, I know.
  
  Don't care. The thought creeps into my mind sometimes, out of nowhere, that ... this is the last time I'm going to be doing this for a grade. For a transcript. For a GPA.  Will there come a glorious day when I can't even remember what "GPA" stands for?  I feel that way with high school things. The other day, I got into a very random conversation about SAT scores. Remember the SATs?  I couldn't remember what I got on them!  For the life of me, I couldn't remember.  It eventually came back to me, but even then I wasn't really quite sure.  Back in high school, I thought my life was hanging in the balance with that score.
  
  My roommate moved out yesterday and it's so quiet in this apartment. I've never lived alone... and a new sub-leasing roommate will be moving in within the month, but for a few weeks, I'll be alone.  I think I'm looking forward to it. I love being alone.
  
  Okay. This procrastination is so out of control. I can't even fairly call it procrastination anymore because I'm not even putting it off.  I'm just so ready to be done. Get me the hell outta here.
  
  

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